Suzi sent me flowers (it's a double petunia!)

 

Double Petunia (bless you)

To beat the rush at the end of the month, I've decided to post my monthly blog on this 19th day. Early.

For some reason (certainly unknown to me) the phrase "double petunia" popped into my head this afternoon. It was an expression I haven’t thought of since high school. So I asked the Warden, “do you know what double petunia is?”

Well, she didn’t, and doesn’t, and probably will not in the foreseeable future unless I tell her.

So here is my best recollection of what is double petunia:

A petunia is a flower like a begonia,
A begonia is a meat like a sausage,
Sausage and battery is a crime,
Monkeys crime trees,
Trees a crowd,
A rooster crowd and made a noise,
A noise is on your face just like your eyes,
Eyes is the opposite of nays,
A horse neighs and has a colt,
You go to bed with a colt and wake up in the morning with double petunia.

I now beg absolution for not burying that ditty further in my brain, away from any chance of surfacing again.

This does speak volumes of my high school education. Hail Armstrong!

Last chance to blog in April

the title says it all

I missed the "Ides of March" and I'm in the process of missing St. Patrick's Day.

Over half way through March and I still haven't blogged.

A Puzzle

The past few days I’ve been playing techie at home and at my mom’s office. I found out that our Tivo will not work with our new VOIP. This forced me to network the Tivo with our computers and internet. Since all four of our wired connections are full, I was forced to consider wireless, which I have heretofore resisted. But the Warden needs her Tivo!!! I had no choice.

Long story short I finally got that up and running and working properly so Gilmore Girls can once again be recorded on HER Tivo everyday. On my mission, as I was poking around in different shared network files, I found an old Microsoft Word document entitled “sister killer.” I was intrigued.

I opened the file and remembered this great puzzle to which I once knew the answer. But now I cannot remember the solution. The Warden would probably remember the answer, but that would be too easy for me to simply ask her.

So I’ve decided to post the riddle and see if I can remember the solution before anyone else can come up with it. The race is on.

And here it is:

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met this guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, she believed him to be her dream and she fell in love with him right there but did not ask for his number and no matter how hard she tried she could not find him.

A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?

A Safe Time to Post This

 

With my brother buried deep in tax returns, I figured this would be a safe time to post his 1971 impersonation of Austin Powers. He was always way ahead of the curve.

Small Town Missouri

I’m sure everyone is sad to see the gassy Robert Tilton leave his perch atop my humble blog. But as Scripture says: “this too shall pass.”

My fingers have finally thawed out enough to poke out a few lines on the keys. This past month has been a friendly reminder that we really do live in Minnesota. And yes, one’s breath is something that can be seen, whether one gargles or not.

I’ve actually had the privilege to catch up on the piles upon my desk. And what do you suppose that I found? I came across a wonderful mapquest that I gave to my son Mark last summer as he traveled to Quincy, Illinois for a music audition.

To my amazement, forming a triangle a short distance west of that river town were the small Missouri towns of Mark and Benjamin and Nelson(ville). What a cool trifecta. I hope the scanned copy is clear enough to read on my blog. If not, you’ll have to go to www.mapquest.com yourself and look just to the left of Quincy.

Oh, the things that pile up on my desk. Oh, the things that pass for a blog.

 

Open the Windows of Heaven

Time Warp

tax season has started

i am behinder and behinder

here i run i can do no other

Rich Mullins Tribute

I'm attempting a different way to post videos to my blog. What better way than to start with Rich.

Yeah but you should see the other guy

I’ll have to place the blame upon my better half for what you will not see in my blog. I was planning to come home and head straight to the computer to blog. I was planning to take a picture of myself and post it to my blog. I was planning to thrill you with a sight that caused me to smile as I caught myself in the rear view mirror on my way home from work.

This afternoon I dropped a gob of mud (yeah the white stuff) right into my left eye. I blinked in time to prevent any mud from actually going in the eye, but I left a wonderful ring around the eyeball which looked exactly like I had one mean black eye, only this one was white. It was great. It was funny. But you will never see in on my blog. Sorry.

As I took a shower shortly after coming home, and as I was in there I felt the mud flaking from my eye. Oh no I thought, I have wrecked it big time. Was Suzi really at my computer blocking my access and forcing me to the showers early? I think so. Or at least she will make for a convenient fall guy (or gal) in this tale of whoa.

Well, now we’re late for dinner. I’m outta here.

Returning the favor

Not to be outdone by my lovely--this is what I'll be getting her for Valentine's Day.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpA0Abn52RQ

Suzi's best blog ever

Check it out!

American Idol (part 7)

My wife just informed me that I am now missing American Idol. In what sense did she mean that? Was she telling me how I should feel? Or was she stating a fact that I sit here blogging instead of being glued to the tube.

So this is a very time-sensitive blog. Could my dearest speak those same words an hour from now? So if you are reading this at a time after 8 pm Central on Wednesday night, you can pretend to be in a time warp, almost like time traveling. And I suppose you won't be faced with the dilemma of whether to watch or not.

But my wife is in the other room and she is laughing. What am I missing? Our dog is not holding his paws over his ears, so it can't be that.

Oh, wait now the paws are coming up. Well it's best for me to stay holed up here in my office.

No need to visit Swansmith.blogspot.com tonight

Suzi claims she cannot blog today, something to do with blogger. How sad is that?

p.s. the streaks alive for me if this works

Be a Canadian Idol

One of my favourite Canadians challenged me to a showdown of minds. The quiz in question asks "so you think you know Canada, eh?" I scored 10 out of 20 points. It’s a toughy. Click here. Good luck.

American Idol (part 6)

My own A.I. show:





Thanks Dave!!!

American Idol (part 5)

We used a gift certificate this afternoon for our after church lunch. We ate at the Macaroni Grill, a first for both the Warden and me. It was actually delicious. We joined some friends from church, a mixed couple. One grew up in the suburbs of Minneapolis and one grew up in Canada. Eh?

It was fun because us Americans, real Americans, out-numbered the Canuck five to one. He was trying to hold his own, but it was his wife that got the biggest smile out of us by asking him what he calls a woman who works in a brothel. His reply, a “whooo-er,” closely rhyming with “sewer,” not our conventional “south of the border” rhyme with “store.”

So I learned something new today. I knew they wore tukes (however that is spelled) and they are always hard of hearing saying “eh?” to everything and I knew they ended their alphabet with a zed, but I thought whoooo-ers were confined to Whoville.

Now how does this all tie into American Idol you might ask. Well, Weird Al did a wonderful song entitled “Canadian Idiot, which was a parody of Green Day’s song “American Idiot,” which Green Day (which sounds an awfully lot like “good day”) did not sing on the American Idol TV show. Come to think of it Weird Al never performed his version on American Idol either, and I don’t believe that anyone who has ever sung on American Idol has ever covered this song of his. But, if Mr. Al had sung on American Idol, THEN I would have watched and maybe even taped or TiVo-ed it. So yet another rationale for not watching American Idol--no Weird Al songs.

For as Weird Al says:
Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot
Don't wanna be some beer swillin' hockey nut
And do I look like some frostbitten hose-head?
I never learned my alphabet from A to Zed

Well maple syrup and snow's what they export
They treat curling just like it's a real sport
They think their silly accent is so cute
Can't understand a thing they're talkin' aboot

That almost says it all. Except to say that Canadians are the greatest. They're always so nice, even as us big ugly Americans pick on them. And I guess the worst way that we pick on them is by sending them our American TV shows.

And how do they respond?
Second City
Red Green

American Idol (part 4)

In visiting my blogging father I was inspired by someone who should definitely be on American Idol. You can link to him at http://ideajoy.blogspot.com/2007/01/haunted-by-pachelbel.html. Or I can try to figure out how to post a youtube deal on my own blog. Maybe I should just ask. Hey Dave!