I guess it’s Fair

Ah, the great Minnesota Get Together, there’s nothing like it—to make one feel thin. I guess I’ve realized this for many years now. I knew that an annual trip there was as good as a couple trips to a psychologist or a few dozen self help tapes. I always leave that place feeling pretty svelte.

But this year I noticed a few more things, a few more observations that added to my self esteem. Of course comfort is always my number one goal as I head to a place like the state fair. So a pair of over worn, under washed, slightly stained, loosely fitting, quite faded denim cargo shorts was just the ticket. Matched with them was an outdated, all blue (a little lighter than the shorts), short-sleeved, cotton shirt with a small, almost unrecognizable CK logo (also in blue) on it. (I think it stands for Calvin Klein, whoever that is.) They didn’t really clash, but they sure didn’t complement each other either. On top of my bald head sat a Cubs baseball cap. On my feet were big brown hiking boots with long white socks sticking out the top reaching half way to my knees. A fashion statement I was not.

However, (and isn’t this how it usually goes) by comparison to the other attendees (the unwashed, and I mean that literally, masses) I should have been on the cover of GQ. My shirt actually covered my slightly exaggerated belly and it lacked any rips or tears or tacky declarations to the world. I guess Calvin Klein never thought to put a big arrow on his shirts with the words “I’m with stupid.”

And I suppose I would also score points for not sporting those near-necessary fair accessories like a basket of deep-fried cheese curds in one hand and a large diet Coke in the other. And I didn’t catch any mustard dripping from a corn dog or pronto pup on the front of my shirt. Nor did I have any cinnamon sugar surrounding my lips from forcing too many mini donuts into mouth at one time. (I actually practiced unusual restraint and limited myself to a few egg rolls and some iced tea today.)

So as I sit here and type with a renewed healthy self image, I’m once again grateful for the Minnesota State Fair. It helped me to accept my underdeveloped beer (less) belly and ever expanding (if not already completed) forehead. Relatively speaking, I'm one above average-looking dude.

And I thank the fair for improving my grasp on the world of commerce. It always shows me millions of things that I don’t need. This year we actually walked through an ice fishing house that has wheels, a steering wheel, and an engine. You drive the thing!!! If the fish aren’t biting on one end of the lake, you start up the hydraulics, raising the house and exposing the snowmobile-like tracks and away you drive to greener (make that whiter) pastures.

Ah the state fair, what a great place to over-eat, over-drink, and over-spend. And as we joined in with the rest of the “fair community” we could all feel good about things, because all the thousands of us still smell better and look better and act better than the numerous humungous swine that let their presence be known throughout most of the grounds. Boy have we evolved.