The Top 523 List

Normally I like lists. Top ten lists are some of my favorites. When my Netscape home page flashes “list of safest cities in America” or something similar, it’s tough not to double-click on it. I must be a lists guy. They’re fun. Usually.

The lists I’ve endured the last two nights, however, cannot be classified as fun. I’ve spent the past two Minnesota spring evenings, with birds singing, flowers blooming, and trees filling out nicely, inside a school auditorium trying to drown out the never-ending lists of names of kids I do not know, save a dozen or so. The first night was an academic achievement awards program, the second a musical achievement awards event. Fortunately(?) our son Luke was going to have his name read both evenings. Since I did not actually give birth to our first-born, my wife required that I be in attendance for these events.

I got my fill of lists. Endless lists of names, many read by fellow students who could not pronounce the wide variety of surnames, with which the school is blessed. Fine students all; and no doubt worthy of their recognition, but grueling nonetheless. But the good news, I have survived and am here to write about it, as living proof that it can be done.

How did I do it? Through smuggling. I snuck in a book, curled behind my camera and underneath my armpit (discourages borrowing). And you probably guessed by now—it was a book of lists. Well, sort of. It’s a theology book, listing the wide spectrum of beliefs within the evangelical church on a score of different issues—foreknowledge, inspiration, sacraments, etc. I’m sure that most people would find this book less enticing than the list of names I’ve heard the last two nights. And for that matter, they might find the list of 27 Johnsons (in alphabetical order) more appealing that these blogs which often outlive their usefulness as they cry out for editing. Maybe, I’m just helping people empathize with my experience this evening.

Well, anyways, so (and all my other favorite meaningless silence quenchers) I had planned to mention some of the issues raised in my current book, but once again the popcorn is popping and Suzi will steal my portion. So I must do my part, fight for my fair share, and let my keyboard rest.